Red Tape
by Untitled Productions
Summary: The Sonic Team will find out why anyone who descends into R'lyeh is driven to madness and insanity. Rated T for safety and incoherent gurgling.


**Writer's Notes:**

H.P. Lovecraft's "Call of Cthulhu," plus the trauma of long lines and endless paperwork at the DMV (without an appointment, no less), equals a very bizarre tale of the tongue-in-cheek horror of… (insert spoiler here).

Well, sort of.

Funny how some get their inspiration, no?

Cthulhu- "ke-THOO-loo;" just some phonetic fun for the masses.

Disclaimer: Do I have to? I do NOT own any element of the Sonic the Hedgehog series or the Cthulhu Mythos. I wish…

* * *

**Prologue: Repoed**

One year had come and gone since the Black Arms' invasion and defeat. The world has healed nicely since then. Central City, a major population center decimated by the 'black aliens,' had rebuilt its infrastructure and was once more bustling with life. The many craters and ruins left in the wake of the violent alien incursion were gone, replaced with new, modern construction and art deco-themed cafés and restaurants.

Many had forgotten the catastrophic alien attack of the year before. Only a single memorial in the city's central plaza reminded all who beheld it of the past bloodbath. Its construction was simple enough; a marble obelisk sitting atop a granite base. Golden plaques plated on the monument listed the names of the myriads of innocents who perished during the siege on Central City. Glass imitations of the famed Chaos Emeralds were embedded on one side of the towering obelisk; an honorable mention of the heroes who turned back the Black Arms.

The little sunlight that broke through the barrier of dark clouds above illuminated the gold rings on the wrists and ankles of an ebony hedgehog leaning against the memorial. With quills as sharp as a razor's edge and red streaks at various places, his figure was unmistakable; Shadow the Hedgehog, a redeemed renegade and now agent of the very military force that once persecuted him. His eyes closed and arms crossed, he was in a deep slumber in the most inappropriate of places.

The sound of flapping wings brought him back into the waking world. Groggily, Shadow opened an eye and glanced up at a white bat fluttering down beside him. The bat's boots made a slight 'click' as she landed.

Shadow, now fully awake, turned his full attention to her as she dusted off her forearms. "So Rouge, anything new from the higher-ups?" he inquired.

His senior-ranking partner shot him a wily grin, "Well… Hello to you, too. Nah, just the usual crap. I did, however, manage to save us from a shift as desk jockeys. I believe a 'Thank you' is in order."

Shadow sighed softly in relief before allowing a slight smile onto his usual demeanor. He was quite adverse to the notion of filing an endless stream of reports and requisitions. Blowing the enemy, whoever they were, into oblivion was more to his liking, "Indeed… Thanks, Rouge."

He continued to stare into space while Rouge looked up in thought. Taking note of the dreary skies above, she decided to make a proposition to her dark companion, "Looks like it's going to rain. Maybe we should head back to the club and call it a night."

Shadow nodded in agreement before pulling out a brilliant red gem from beneath his quills, "Sounds good. I need some sleep, anyway. Care to take the fast way?"

"Nah, I'll fly," Rouge declined.

"Suit yourself. I'll meet you there." Focusing on the energies of the ruby Chaos Emerald he held, the ebony hedgehog disappeared in a flash of light.

Rouge sighed as a tired smile crept onto her face, "Jet-assisted skates and he's still too lazy to walk home." She continued to stare at the ground for a moment before taking off into the air, "Didn't even say bye."

* * *

A mile off the rocky coastline of Mystic Ruins was the floating landmass of Angel Island. Defying gravity, it silently hovered above the far-reaching ocean. In the exact center of the island, past the ice-capped mountain peaks and endless jungle-brush, was a stone shrine that housed the Master Emerald, a massive green jewel of immense power.

Sitting on the steps of the shrine was a red, fiery-tempered echidna. Aptly named Knuckles for the spikes bearing from his fists, he was the sole protector of the floating isle. Despite the gravity of his duty to protect the Master Emerald, he was fast asleep with a barely audible snore.

Even higher above the island in midair was a mass of rain clouds stretching well-past the horizon. The grey skies above began to release a slight drizzle upon the soil and ocean below. A lone raindrop found its mark on Knuckles' snout. The guardian's amethyst eyes snapped open, immediately going on alert. His vision darted around the shrine and surrounding jungle-scape, checking if anything was amiss. Satisfied that his home was undisturbed, he relocated himself under the stone awning over the Master Emerald's altar.

Just as he was about to slip back into the bliss of sleep with the rhythmic sound of falling rain around him, a grating, unholy howling tore at his ears. It was like the angry groan of an impossible nightmare-corpse beast that only existed in the darkest of imaginations.

Springing to his feet, Knuckles was met with the horrifying sight of a thick, viscous mist that was literally consuming the gem he was charged with protecting. Bits and bits of the normally hard-as-steel jewel chipped off and dissolved into nothing. The mist gave off a foul, rancid odor that was comparable to the smell of rotting corpses in a humid swamp.

He gagged and turned away, covering his mouth and nose. The echidna could hardly keep down his earlier lunch of assorted fruit. After regaining his composure, he took a deep breath and lunged at the offending mass of foul-smelling smoke. Fruitlessly, he attempted to swat the dark mist away from his prized possession. Meeting with no success, Knuckles tried another tactic. Bracing himself before the ominous swirl of gas, he began to spin rapidly, turning into a miniature cyclone. With his tornado-like motion, he sucked the mist into his movement and dispersed it away from the Master Emerald.

Coming to an abrupt stop, he stumbled towards the emerald's altar and grasped onto a moss-covered pillar for support. As his dizziness subsided, he couldn't help but feel slightly elated about his victory over the mist, "Heh, no puff of cheap black magic is going to get the better of me."

Turning towards the massive green gem, Knuckles began to asses the damage done to it. Carefully, he examined every square-inch of the jewel, "Hmm… Nothing I can't fix. I just need to concentrate." With both arms outstretched towards it, he began to "synergize" with the Master Emerald, focusing its energy with his own to regenerate the lost mass. As he repaired the emerald, a grotesque image blasted through his mind, breaking his concentration. It only lasted a second; he could barely make out the monstrous, vaguely humanoid figure of a nightmarish giant standing amidst the torrent of a violent sea storm.

For two minutes Knuckles was blinded, only seeing white. He nearly fell off the shrine as he stumbled about. When his vision returned, he was forced to behold a terrible sight; the Master Emerald had been completely reduced to dust. The blood drained from his face as he blankly stared at the dust-covered altar. All his strength left him as his legs buckled, sprawling him onto the cold stone surface.

An ear-piercing scream shattered the tranquil calm of Angel Island, spooking much of the native wildlife. At the shrine, the clearly agitated guardian was trying to make sense of the situation. Knuckles jumped down onto the jungle-floor below and began to pace around a rather sizable boulder.

One word ran through his mind as he made a circular impression on the grass beneath him, 'How? How? How? How could the Master Emerald just… disintegrate before my eyes?! And what was that horrid image?! Maybe there's a connection.'

Only succeeding in giving himself a headache, a new wave of anger and frustration overcame him. With a single punch, he shattered the large boulder he was pacing around. He raved for a few more minutes before coming to his senses.

After realizing that senseless destruction wouldn't do him any good, a thought occurred to him. Knuckles sprinted to the edge of Angel Island and stood over the drop-off into the ocean below. If he couldn't figure out what was going on, he knew someone who could, or at least he hoped so.

He took a deep breath and leapt off the floating isle. Gliding towards the coastline, he spotted a quaint, little abode resting atop a cliff. The echidna shifted his direction towards it, hoping a certain two-tailed kit could help him with this grave predicament.

* * *

A blue blur sped aimlessly through the grassy plains that bordered the western edge of Station Square. At the head of the speeding blur was Sonic the Hedgehog, world-renowned hero and drifter in his own right. He zipped back and forth with no particular destination in mind.

The nefarious Dr. Eggman, Sonic's longtime arch-nemesis, had stayed relatively quiet for a while now, so things have slowed down for the speedy cobalt hedgehog. The only high point for him lately was the occasional sparring match with either Knuckles or Shadow, and both resulted in injury. Sonic was beginning to go out of his mind with boredom. He even considered a date with Amy Rose, his self-declared "girlfriend." That idea made him shudder; he must've been desperately bored to even think about it.

He skidded to a halt near a lone oak tree. Deciding to take a quick break, he leaned against its rough bark and contemplated what he could do to kill the rest of the day, "Hmm… There's got to be something worthwhile around here." He looked upon the impressive cityscape that was Station Square before an idea hit him, "Ah! Haven't seen Tails in a while. Maybe I'll drop in on him."

Getting to his feet, he sped off towards the city. Within a minute, he passed the outskirts of the metropolis and was weaving through the traffic and urban furniture dotting the streets. As Sonic ran at Mach One speeds, he felt something irritating the back of his head. Reaching his destination, he stopped in front of the city's central train station to shake his hair clean of the offending substance.

He reached a gloved hand into his quills to retrieve the blue Chaos Emerald he kept back there for safekeeping. Finally he grasped it and pulled the jewel out in front of him. His pupils narrowed in shock and disbelief, however, when he saw the degraded state it was in. The sapphire gem was literally coming apart in his hands. All that was left of it were bits and shards covered in a black, grainy dust.

Sonic blankly stared at the ruined emerald for a good while before his gears began turning again, "Holy Mother of…"

He was on the verge of having a panic attack, "What in Chaos' name just happened? How did it happen? This is impossible!" Feeling faint, he leaned against a street sign for support. He mulled over the dusty, broken jewel shards in his hand, trying to come up with some kind of explanation for what just happened. Figuring that this was beyond his comprehension, the blue hedgehog headed into the station to catch the next train to Mystic Ruins. Perhaps his long-time friend Tails could make some sense of the mess he held tightly in his hand.

* * *

Shadow always enjoyed the sensation of energy that Chaos Control brought whenever he invoked it. He fancied himself a master of the technique, being able to teleport to wherever he pleased, even in the midst of battle. So it was much to his surprise when he was torn from his teleport a good distance above the ground.

While in freefall, he spotted a pipeline running atop the roofs of the buildings below. Acting quickly, he positioned his feet below him and landed on the sturdy pipe. The sky had been raining lately, making all exposed surfaces quite slippery. This made it all the easier for Shadow to grind along the angled pipe.

A smirk played on his lips; he was rather enjoying himself as he showboated, doing pointless flips and spins. As he showed off to no one in particular, a thought occurred to him; how was he pulled out of his Chaos Control? His mental inquiry distracted him long enough from seeing the drop-off into an alley below.

His momentum threw him off the end of the pipe and sent him tumbling into a dumpster below. A muffled litany of colorful words echoed in the alley as Shadow climbed out of the rubbish bin. As he spat out an old candy bar wrapper and flicked an apple core off his head, he couldn't help but feel that he was forgetting something.

After a minute, it struck him like a ton of bricks, "My emerald!" Almost immediately he leapt back into the dumpster to seek out his red Chaos Emerald. Despite his best effort, his search turned up nothing. He reemerged from the refuse and leaned against the dumpster in deep thought, 'Did my emerald just disappear? How? That would explain why my Chaos Control was canceled out, but where the hell did it go?! Damn it all!'

In a fit of rage, the dark hedgehog threw a concentrated bolt of searing energy at a nearby garbage can, blasting it into the next county. With a deep breath, he regained his cool and walked out of the alley. Something was wrong with the Chaos Emeralds, and Shadow was determined to find out what. But first he needed a shower.

* * *

**Post-Chapter Notes:**

Hmm… I like it better this way, more streamlined. Anyway, it turned out to be longer than I thought. WOOT!

Notice how much it rained during the prologue?

Also, do you think I put _too_ much detail into it? I was trying to be vivid.

Well, I'll try to get the first chapter out as soon as I can. Stay tuned, folks!


End file.
